Pondersome Notions. Is okai for people to have a second (or subsequent) baby shower?

The reason this particular topic has been playing on my mind of late is because I am pregnant with my second child, and while I had no intention of having another shower more than a few friends and family members have either offered to throw me a shower, mentioned excitedly they are looking forward to my (assumed) upcoming shower or have simply inquired as to if I am indeed planning another one. 

So I decided to hit the internet in search of what is actually the proper etiquette in regards to second baby showers and as to what other opinions really are.

 The idea of second baby showers is relatively new and from my different searches on the topic online, I’ve found many varying (yet firm) opinions on the topic. Most people’s opinions seem to fall into three categories. Category 1. believe that a second shower is a big no-no, and often associate it as being tacky and just greedy. Category 2. think that you shouldn’t have a second shower, but there are exceptions to this like  there being a substantial gap between children, new baby with a new partner or if the second child is the opposite sex to the first etc. Category 3.tend to think it’s perfectly fine to have a shower for every new child as it’s ultimately a celebration of the new addition.

I fall into the second group of people based on these 3 basic group distinctions. I personally have always saw baby showers as something for first babies and thus first time mums (and dads). A second (or subsequent) shower particularly with such short gap between children in a lot of ways just made the parents seem a bit greedy, but I was thinking of a shower primarily in terms of the gifting part. However I do believe in exceptions to this, I don’t agree with every ‘exception’ people have, primarily I see it as alright if there is a substantial gap between the newest addition and your previous child. A second shower can therefore be handy as its likely you would have got rid all those baby things you once had. Whereas I disagree with having a second shower just because you are having a child of the opposite sex, to me you still have most the necessities and if you insist on dressing your child in gender specific clothing those are easy enough to accumulate yourself during pregnancy.

So etiquette wise, is having a second baby shower improper? 

While some of the different authors I read suggest it is bad etiquette, from my own research and deductions I deduced that it’s really not bad etiquette to have a second or subsequent shower. A baby shower is not hosted by mum, it’s hosted by family or friends and if they want to throw you a shower why not let them. While the idea of “showering” a mum evokes images of physical gifts being given, really the showering could simply mean showering her in love and attention and celebrating the impending new addition to the world.

So after diving through all of this information, reading through various opinions on the matter and reconsidering my own perspectives on the topic, I have changed my mind substantially on the idea of having a second baby shower. I now am not so against the idea of  baby showers for second (or subsequent) children, but for me it needs to be on the proviso that (despite those situational exceptions) that the “shower” involved is more to do with love, attention and just celebrating the new addition over necessarily being “showered” with gifts. While some people will always buy a gift, I would only see a second shower as appropriate if there wasn’t any expectation of a gift other than a person’s presence at the shower.

So internets, what is your personal opinion of people having a second baby shower?

Vain! Excuse me? (Hormonal Lady Rant)

While I am sure this was blown out of proportion in my own mind due to my very hormonal pregnant state and my own reading into it but I feel a strong need to rant about it. I feel that there are just some things you should avoid saying to a woman, particularly a pregnant one. I apologise in advance for this going off in tangents that may not quite make sense.

During my night to myself, I took a few happy snaps documenting my shenanigans and I decide to collage them together. I was happy after my night, having made myself feel pretty and relaxing with not a worry in the world I thought I would share this collage via Instagram and in turn Facebook.

My collage that inspired the following response...

 This action was all well and good until a friend of my husband decided he would comment "I think you are addicted to looking at your own face Tabatha".
First little annoyance of misspelling my name when it's directly in front of your face to copy aside. I thought this comment was just rude and inappropriate. Not to mention hurtful and just a negative thing to say to another person.

It really hurt, the implication (that I took away) that I am obviously vain and that I come across as one of these people seek out my reflection wherever I go, be it a mirror or the back of my cereal spoon.

After seeing the comment, I became more then a little upset to say the least. Tears flowed and as my husband and son tried to comfort me, I worried and cried over thoughts of 'Am I really vain just like he implied?" and " Does everyone thinks that about me?"

After ashamedly a rather large portion of time had passed, I calmed down and just became simply pissed off!
I had had a wonderful evening and had taken a grand total of a whopping 5 selfies throughout the evening. I could not see how this made me vain. I also could not see how posting a picture of myself on my own Facebook page (I am one of those mum friends everyone has who posts mainly pictures of my offspring after all) made anyone think that I was therefore "obsessed with my own face".

During my evening to myself, I read a great article in the latest cosmopolitan magazine by Natasha Devon about the social convention that a female to "talk herself up". How we are seemingly not allowed to take genuine pride in how we look by acknowledging features that we love and think are gorgeous about ourselves as its somehow considered unfeminine. This comment made me think of this article.
While I didn't actually write anything to the nature of saying I liked how I looked or that i felt pretty etc. I guess it must of been implied by the fact that I happily shared a few images i had taken of myself. To have a comment made that implied I must be vain because of this happiness to share something that I was proud to show off just enforced what the article stated of how it is seen as unfeminine to have done so. That I must be arrogant and vain to be comfortable with how I looked.

In my current state, I am more then a little bit self-conscious at times. So having moments in which I don't feel like a big pregnant mess and that I am actually 100% happy with my appearance squashed by an insensitive remark really annoys me.

It's sad how much another's words can make you feel like crap when you were feeling so good just moments beforehand.

End rant. Dwelling on this is making the pregnant lady cranky so I am going to stop before my babbling festers out if control.

Mummy's First Ever Night Off

Earlier this week my husband (an avid camper himself) decided it was about time that he took our 19month old camping for the first time. So off they set for their first ever adventure with tents, sleeping bags and campfire.

This boys adventure meant mummy got to spend a night all by herself for the first time ever! While this may not seem exciting to some, I was definitely excited for a night of self gratifying indulgence.

My time alone involved a long bubble bath, with a selection of Bruno Mars on repeat, a few Girly/ trashy magazines, a chance to bring out my makeup (which in all honesty most had never been used) and to play makeover on myself without the questioning glances that make me a little self conscious from the males in the house. Watching reruns of my favourite guilty pleasure show and delicious food that I didn't need to do anything to prepare. Polished off with an early night, spread out with a queen size bed all to myself and then a sleep-in in the morning.
Heaven :)

All in all I had a fantastically relaxing evening and morning, doing in all honesty nothing much at all. While my husband returned a little exhausted but happy from the adventure it was our little mans return in high spirits with a smile you couldn't wipe off his face that was certainly a cherry on top on the whole experience.

We will return after this short ad break

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

please come back later to read my latest brain farts