Pondersome Notions. Is okai for people to have a second (or subsequent) baby shower?

The reason this particular topic has been playing on my mind of late is because I am pregnant with my second child, and while I had no intention of having another shower more than a few friends and family members have either offered to throw me a shower, mentioned excitedly they are looking forward to my (assumed) upcoming shower or have simply inquired as to if I am indeed planning another one. 

So I decided to hit the internet in search of what is actually the proper etiquette in regards to second baby showers and as to what other opinions really are.

 The idea of second baby showers is relatively new and from my different searches on the topic online, I’ve found many varying (yet firm) opinions on the topic. Most people’s opinions seem to fall into three categories. Category 1. believe that a second shower is a big no-no, and often associate it as being tacky and just greedy. Category 2. think that you shouldn’t have a second shower, but there are exceptions to this like  there being a substantial gap between children, new baby with a new partner or if the second child is the opposite sex to the first etc. Category 3.tend to think it’s perfectly fine to have a shower for every new child as it’s ultimately a celebration of the new addition.

I fall into the second group of people based on these 3 basic group distinctions. I personally have always saw baby showers as something for first babies and thus first time mums (and dads). A second (or subsequent) shower particularly with such short gap between children in a lot of ways just made the parents seem a bit greedy, but I was thinking of a shower primarily in terms of the gifting part. However I do believe in exceptions to this, I don’t agree with every ‘exception’ people have, primarily I see it as alright if there is a substantial gap between the newest addition and your previous child. A second shower can therefore be handy as its likely you would have got rid all those baby things you once had. Whereas I disagree with having a second shower just because you are having a child of the opposite sex, to me you still have most the necessities and if you insist on dressing your child in gender specific clothing those are easy enough to accumulate yourself during pregnancy.

So etiquette wise, is having a second baby shower improper? 

While some of the different authors I read suggest it is bad etiquette, from my own research and deductions I deduced that it’s really not bad etiquette to have a second or subsequent shower. A baby shower is not hosted by mum, it’s hosted by family or friends and if they want to throw you a shower why not let them. While the idea of “showering” a mum evokes images of physical gifts being given, really the showering could simply mean showering her in love and attention and celebrating the impending new addition to the world.

So after diving through all of this information, reading through various opinions on the matter and reconsidering my own perspectives on the topic, I have changed my mind substantially on the idea of having a second baby shower. I now am not so against the idea of  baby showers for second (or subsequent) children, but for me it needs to be on the proviso that (despite those situational exceptions) that the “shower” involved is more to do with love, attention and just celebrating the new addition over necessarily being “showered” with gifts. While some people will always buy a gift, I would only see a second shower as appropriate if there wasn’t any expectation of a gift other than a person’s presence at the shower.

So internets, what is your personal opinion of people having a second baby shower?

Vain! Excuse me? (Hormonal Lady Rant)

While I am sure this was blown out of proportion in my own mind due to my very hormonal pregnant state and my own reading into it but I feel a strong need to rant about it. I feel that there are just some things you should avoid saying to a woman, particularly a pregnant one. I apologise in advance for this going off in tangents that may not quite make sense.

During my night to myself, I took a few happy snaps documenting my shenanigans and I decide to collage them together. I was happy after my night, having made myself feel pretty and relaxing with not a worry in the world I thought I would share this collage via Instagram and in turn Facebook.

My collage that inspired the following response...

 This action was all well and good until a friend of my husband decided he would comment "I think you are addicted to looking at your own face Tabatha".
First little annoyance of misspelling my name when it's directly in front of your face to copy aside. I thought this comment was just rude and inappropriate. Not to mention hurtful and just a negative thing to say to another person.

It really hurt, the implication (that I took away) that I am obviously vain and that I come across as one of these people seek out my reflection wherever I go, be it a mirror or the back of my cereal spoon.

After seeing the comment, I became more then a little upset to say the least. Tears flowed and as my husband and son tried to comfort me, I worried and cried over thoughts of 'Am I really vain just like he implied?" and " Does everyone thinks that about me?"

After ashamedly a rather large portion of time had passed, I calmed down and just became simply pissed off!
I had had a wonderful evening and had taken a grand total of a whopping 5 selfies throughout the evening. I could not see how this made me vain. I also could not see how posting a picture of myself on my own Facebook page (I am one of those mum friends everyone has who posts mainly pictures of my offspring after all) made anyone think that I was therefore "obsessed with my own face".

During my evening to myself, I read a great article in the latest cosmopolitan magazine by Natasha Devon about the social convention that a female to "talk herself up". How we are seemingly not allowed to take genuine pride in how we look by acknowledging features that we love and think are gorgeous about ourselves as its somehow considered unfeminine. This comment made me think of this article.
While I didn't actually write anything to the nature of saying I liked how I looked or that i felt pretty etc. I guess it must of been implied by the fact that I happily shared a few images i had taken of myself. To have a comment made that implied I must be vain because of this happiness to share something that I was proud to show off just enforced what the article stated of how it is seen as unfeminine to have done so. That I must be arrogant and vain to be comfortable with how I looked.

In my current state, I am more then a little bit self-conscious at times. So having moments in which I don't feel like a big pregnant mess and that I am actually 100% happy with my appearance squashed by an insensitive remark really annoys me.

It's sad how much another's words can make you feel like crap when you were feeling so good just moments beforehand.

End rant. Dwelling on this is making the pregnant lady cranky so I am going to stop before my babbling festers out if control.

Mummy's First Ever Night Off

Earlier this week my husband (an avid camper himself) decided it was about time that he took our 19month old camping for the first time. So off they set for their first ever adventure with tents, sleeping bags and campfire.

This boys adventure meant mummy got to spend a night all by herself for the first time ever! While this may not seem exciting to some, I was definitely excited for a night of self gratifying indulgence.

My time alone involved a long bubble bath, with a selection of Bruno Mars on repeat, a few Girly/ trashy magazines, a chance to bring out my makeup (which in all honesty most had never been used) and to play makeover on myself without the questioning glances that make me a little self conscious from the males in the house. Watching reruns of my favourite guilty pleasure show and delicious food that I didn't need to do anything to prepare. Polished off with an early night, spread out with a queen size bed all to myself and then a sleep-in in the morning.
Heaven :)

All in all I had a fantastically relaxing evening and morning, doing in all honesty nothing much at all. While my husband returned a little exhausted but happy from the adventure it was our little mans return in high spirits with a smile you couldn't wipe off his face that was certainly a cherry on top on the whole experience.

We will return after this short ad break

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

please come back later to read my latest brain farts

Mums For Change

I was recently selected to be part of an amazing campaign called “Mums for change” which is run through the Child Sponsorship group PLAN! The campaign is an opportunity to learn about children in developing countries through introducing them to child sponsorship.

James and I have been sponsoring a child through PLAN for about 3 years now, and it is a cause and a group that I strongly support and believe in.

It helps to show the impact efforts from child sponsorship have not only for a child but for entire communities. I really like PLAN for a couple of major reasons.

• They focus on Child Rights.
• They work to implement projects/initiatives that help the community to support themselves. Plans will have sustainability and help fight poverty long-term not short-term.
• They make the children part of their solutions, letting them take part in deciding how they want their communities and countries to be.
• I like the fact that they continue to support these children after they are grown, in order so that they can in turn help their communities. (For example through education and training and small grants to open businesses)
• And on top of that it has no political or religious affiliation. Which for me I like, as I am an agnostic (grumble about it later) really like as it means that these people can support whatever political or religious perspectives they choose without fear of not receiving help.

 
As part of my selection into the campaign, I need to host myself a little get-together to share information about child sponsorship and PLAN. I’m organising it for next weekend, so I have my fingers crossed I get at least a few interested people turn up to hear me yabber on about my little part in this cause I strongly believe in.
Wish me luck x

Listless??...not me!

If this hasn't already been made radically apparant, I'm kind of a little bit of a huge-ass list writing freak. This fact about me, which is often the cause of a certain amount of teasing by family and friends, is extremely handy and at times sort after.

I love list making, I love to plan and organise, I find it highly theraputic in oh so many ways, for someone like myself with a chronic illness it is also excessively useful for working out my limitations for the day, I get to tweek plans to my satification.It of course gives a sense of being in control, we all love control, admit it, I'm not the only one, and finally plays right into my hands as a skill I can use for my future career aspirations (Event management/Event planning).
Today on my list of lists I am currently in the mist of updating a few of my lists, as well as finishing up a couple new ones.

1. My mid-winter cleaning to-do list,
2. Possible holiday itineraries (about 5 different ones),
3. List for my little sister Engagment party at the end of the month; Decoration Options list, Food lists, My Preping Lists (Decorations and Food,
4. Updating my Movie list (we own 600+),
5. Updating my Book list,
6. Planning a Tea Party/ Hire Tea for next month with my friends,
7. Collecting photo files to a list to get printed.  

Yes, yes I know...sort of kind of sad, but hey I enjoy it :)

So right now I am sipping my cup of tea, while I half watch Jurassic Park, typing and writing away on my lists while my little man sleeps, not a bad way to spend an hour or so if I don't say so myself! x

A day of toil in the kitchen

Today my sister and her best mate came over to mine for a ‘Baking Test Day’ for her engagement party at the end of the month. It was just a day to try out a few recipes we plan to use on few dessert items and to work out timing and other things so that we can get them done as swiftly as possible.
Anyway I spent my time making this..

Its a Red Velvet and Vanilla checkerboard cake with a strawberry cream filling and vanilla fondant icing with chocolate dipped strawberries around the bottom.
I’ve never made this beast type of cake before, nor have I ever used fondant. But I went in to it with this picture of what I was going to do in my mind thinking it would be okai.
I was wrong. Nothing I had planned in my head seemed to work out, during the assembly, where I had to cut each cake in half and then cut even shapes out of each piece so I could swap them to the opposite cake and fill them to stick them together, we ended up calling it 'disaster cake'. It looked a mess!
I was really let down with myself and my supposed inability to deliver for my sister. But determined to make it look atleast slightly appetising I set about decorating the thing. I was not particularly confident at this point as I have never worked with any type of fondant. Luckily (thanks to watching the show Cake Boss) I was able to think up a couple of ideas to spruce it up a little. Using a letter opener and a ruler I was able to add a quilting-esc effect. Which luckily with the help of the sugar balls looked okai.
Finally I decided, "stuff it! I may as well play around, i have nothing to lose" and attempted to do a marbeled blue fondant flower. i must say I was pretty chuffed with how it turned out.
All in all, while this stupid thing drove me bat crap crazy while I made,assembled and decorated it didn't turn out half bad. Really it wasn't a bad effort, if i do say so myself, for a first attempt at this type of cake and for using fondant in any way shape or form.

Gawking at fishes

Lights, Camera, Fishes.

I have just returned from a mini-midweek escape to Sydney with my boys, where we had a photo shoot, visited the Sydney Aquarium and generally just yabbered on incessantly with a variety of my husbands extended family and a few friends.
While I'm fairly certain that my husband could of very happily forgone the photoshoot and would have much rather not have had to wake up at 6 am in order to train into the centre of Sydney, the shoot was a success and we will soon have a nice family portrait (plus 3 other favourite pics from the day).
The aquarium  ofcourse was a definite success, I mean really there isn't many people big or small who don't get some sort of enjoyment out of the brightly coloured array of fish and several different sizes of sharks that you find at the aquarium. So I decided to post up a couple of happy snaps from our excursion here in cyberland, so enjoy gawking at us gawking at fishes and whatnot :)